Up And Running Again

Have you ever felt like you were just hobbling along, definitely not keeping up, and only barely holding on? That’s the way I’ve felt the last few months. You’d think that spending four years recovering from an accident – going to countless therapies and relentlessly trying to heal my brain would have prepared me. But it didn’t. Going through a terrible experience is not nearly the same as watching your child go through a horrible experience. But, at last, I feel as though, even if I’m not fully up and running again – I’m closer to it than I have been in a while.

Not Alone

Fortunately, I was not alone. According to Psalm 46:1 God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. That promise is what I relied on throughout this time. When doctor after doctor didn’t know what to do, God was there. After traveling down countless paths that turned up nothing, God was there. While slogging through thousands of medical journals, articles, websites, message boards, blogs, and internet searches, God was there. I spent the last seven months desperately searching for a cause and cure for her. Sometimes I came up empty. Others took me on wild goose chases. But, through it all, I had this nagging suspicion that I couldn’t quite articulate. Until finally, I could. Through it all – I was not alone. God was with me.

Trite But True

We’ve all heard the saying, “If at first, you don’t succeed, try, try again.” It’s trite but true. When she couldn’t get out of bed for days at a time; when the stairs – even once a day – were too much; when the puke bucket lived next to her bedside; or, when the pain was so intolerable she didn’t want to go on – I was researching. I spent nearly every waking moment searching for answers. I fought the rage building inside me about doctors throwing medications at her, which made her even sicker. I’d been through that myself. The frustration at doctors not believing her struggle when I was the one who had to carry her, feed her and see her waste away as pound after pound left her already tiny frame. I tried and tried and tried again. Only God gave me the strength to continue.

At Last

I’ve all but given up on conventional western medicine that treats the symptoms and not the cause. After much trial and error, I found one protocol after another that began to heal her. I found herbs and supplements to alleviate the nausea, dull the pain, and restore her energy. I am thankful for my own four-year invisible struggle because it helped me to understand hers. I am grateful for my mother, who kept medical books, encyclopedias, and pharmaceutical handbooks on the bookshelves, encouraged me to research, and taught me to understand medical writing. But, mostly, I am eternally thankful for God, who was my ever-present help in trouble. Long days – longer nights, and now we are no longer hobbling – we are walking with an occasional skip in our steps again.

Salmon Of Knowledge Day 9 Reading

Psalm 46:1 God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.